Scottish football integrity is maintained

Browsing through the various football sites today, waiting for the SFA to decide just what the hell to do about the whole Dunfermline fiasco, it struck me that this seems to be a good time to be a lawyer with a healthy business in Scottish football litigation.

I don't know much about the law, but I do know a lot about how these drama's usually play out.

You can bet the house and all the furniture in it, that no matter what happens (apart from the SFA telling Dunfermline to get it right up them), Stenhousemuir will appeal the decision. And they're probably quite right too; after all, there's a lot of money at stake here. And nevermind pride - once you go out to Celtic in the next round, think of all that lovely lolly in your bank account, estimated to run into quite a large number, relatively speaking.

Look, the way I see it, everyone's a winner: Dunfermline's legal team get their money no matter what, as do Stenhousemuir's when their appeal against Dunfermline's appeal fails, Celtic progress to the next round after an easy game, and, following the inevitable 9-0 trashing (or 4-0 if Dunfermline win their appeal), the SFA can proudly state that the integrity of Scottish football has been maintained.

And there seems to be no end of Scottish teams, players and managers seeking to stick it up a variety of unlucky people at the minute.

John McCormack gets the ball rolling as he tries to sue his former employers, Hamilton Accies, for £93,000. McCormack, now manager of Clyde denies making free with lewd and lascivious requests to the club physio - a female physio - to examine his teams "tackle", a reference to his sides inability or unwillingness to make any attempts to get the ball from the opposition.

"It's all a bit of fun", claims McCormack. It's a shame that his employers failed to see the funny side of his attempts to turn Accies into "Carry On Down The Divisions" - they sacked him for gross misconduct, stating along the way they where not too keen on McCormack's "boorishly aggressive, foul-mouthed, ill-mannered, sexist and embarrassing conduct".

Dundee United are also getting shirty with the SFA, who have still not paid United the £250,000 compensation that formed part of the deal that made Craig Levein take on the most impossible job in Scotland, namely Scotland manager. United chairman Stephen Thompson wants his cash, and a lot of lawyers in the Dundee metro area start planning a new conservatory.

Elsewhere, the frankly bizarre saga surrounding the Scott Brown/Celtic/Daily Record continues. The club are said to be considering legal action against the newspaper for printing a story that claims that Scott Brown was told that he was gash and that he's got hee-haw chance of ever playing for Celtic again. Ever.

The journalist in question, Keith Jackson, has a bit of a track record in printing stories that get the football behemoths all in a tizzy, as We Know SFA have pointed out.

The Scottish Football Blog continues the story, and is surprised about how swiftly Celtic have threatened legal action. The Celtic page over at The Offside has another collection of press clippings about Jacksongate.

I'm not sure what the fuss is about. Assuming the story is a load of guff, it's not the first time that a newspaper has made up stories, or perhaps over embellished the truth to sell a few more editions. It's a quiet week after all, news-wise, and now that Celtic have sold off the entire reserve team to Middlesboro and other assorted footballing non-entities, why not just keep the momentum going by making some shit up.

Or, assuming the story is true, what better way to get one of your prize assets back in the shop window again with the transfer window coming to an end soon. After all, Jackson is a friend of Brown's, apparently, so it's not inconceivable to suggest that the story was dreamt up to get Brown back in the minds of football agents around the greater Glasgow area.

What else?

Oh yes. The Away End reports that over 60% of Scotland supporters don’t want Kris Boyd within 100 yards of Hampden or a Scotland jersey anytime soon. Craig Levein, take note! Personally, I'll have him back, especially if he goes to Aston Villa (as is widely rumoured) and he gets a bit of experience under his belt playing against decent sides every week, instead of Falkirk and Killie. It'll make him a wee bit sharper, and hopefully help him dispell that criticism often leveled at him, namely that he only performs against shite teams. The EPL has no shite teams (when compared to the SPL), so he's going to have to shape up to make his spell a success.

And I don't care how much of a twat he was with Burley in charge, a sharper, more mature and hopefully better Kris Boyd is someone Scotland really needs at the minute.