Had enough yet?
Nae danger folks, only two more divisions to go! Today we cover the Third Division, the lowest tier of Scottish senior football. Sit back, click away and enjoy some of the finest grounds Scottish football has to offer. And Cliftonhil Stadium.
→ Livingston
An unsurprisingly decent stadium for the club formerly known as Ferranti Thistle and Meadowbank Thistle. The Almondvale is the Third Division's largest stadium (not counting the behemoth that is Hampden, home of Queens Park). Following some financial and management irregularities that would make Bernie Madoff blush, Livi are currently enjoying life in Division Three, though promotion to division Two looks assured at this stage.
The Almondvale is another one of those grounds built on the outskirts of the town. I'm a big fan of stadiums surrounded by houses and tenements, but if you've ever been to Livingston you'll appreciate the fact you wont actually have to go into the town to get to the ground. Phew!
→ East Stirlingshire
Technically, East Stirlingshire play at Stenhousemuir's Ochillview Park, but seeing as we'll cover that ground in the Second Division Google-pade, we'll show you The Shire's old stadium in Falkirk instead. Consider it a bonus.
It must have been a pure bastard every other Saturday for those living around the home of East Stirlinghire Football Club Plc. Fir Park, which lies not too far from the center of Falkirk is not exactly over furnished in the parking department, a small car park on the north edge of the ground looking to hold about 5 cars if the Google satellite view is anything to go by.
On the other side you've got a huge megastore, but it probably costs loads of money to park there, making an afternoon trip to see promotion challenging East Stirlingshire potentially expensive. The only other option is street parking, which, judging by the Google street view provided, is clearly limited. Mind you, with an average attendance of only 490, that might not have been a huge problem.
→ Forfar
Station Park, Forfar, has all the hallmarks of what I look for in a proper stadium: cracked tarmac, an intimidating perimeter wall and proper terracing, in particular that West Terrace. My first experience of the lack of crowd segregation in the lower tiers of Scottish football was here.
Picture the scene: it's nearly half time in the game between Forfar and East Fife somewhere around 1992, and we're supporting the away team. East Fife are awarded a dodgy penalty (one of those 'wan mair upfirthe lodge' penalties) just before half time to bring the scores level at 1-1 and sending the four of us who made up the away support jump with joy, with the East Fife players rushing over to us.
Come half time, we notice the massed ranks of the Forfar support heading for us in our end, presumably to give us a good kicking. Unsure of what to do, we stuck around only to be told by the friendly locals to "fuck off and get to the other end". We did. East Fife won 2-1. Our celebration for the winning goal was decidedly more muted. True story.
→ Queens Park
Before you click on this link, just cast your mind back over all the other stadiums you've seen so far in this collection. Remember the badly tarmaced carparks, the barbed-wire running along the top of the perimeter walls, the stands with their corrugated roofs. Now also put in your mind the concept that Queens Park are an amateur side, the same as, say, Fort William. Got all that? Right. Click away!
→ Berwick Rangers
As all football anal retentives will know, Berwick is not actually in Scotland - it's in Englandshire. Not that we should hold that against them. Sure, they have to play somewhere and our admission standards are lower than the English FA's.
Shielfield Park is a little like Central Park, Cowdenbeath, in that is has a large speedway track around the pitch, adding to that matchday atmosphere.
There may well be another entrance to this place, a grand ornate gate perhaps like Liverpool's Shankly Gate, with inspiring motos like "mind the flying tyres", but Google couldnae be arsed, leaving you, dear reader, with the impression that to get to the ground you have to negotiate your way past a redfaced farmer Giles-type as you make your way through his gate and across his land.
→ Albion Rovers
Continuing on in the tradition of lower league clubs that have main stands, the back of which more closely resemble an electrical superstore constantly on the brink of bankruptcy, here is Albion Rovers!
An interesting nugget of info for you: several years ago, McDonald's got some darned expensive consultants in whose job it was to figure out how to keep the punters in the place so as to spend more money.
Their solution: get rid of all that yellow and red, because all it does is make people want to leave. Quickly. Perhaps those in charge at the Cliftonhill Stadium should do the same - possibly, a nice walnut exterior, with lampshades instead of floodlights might get more people into the ground.
By the way, Albion Rovers are my current FM2010 team. So far, we've lost our three pre-season friendlies: 3-1 to the Reserves, 4-0 to Leeds and 3-1 to Hamilton Accies. I'm under pressure, and the season hasn't even started yet.
→ Annan Athletic
I had little hopes of finding this place. After all it's miles from nowhere so you'd possibly forgive the Google people who, sitting in a layby on the B7020 between Hightae and Dalton must have looked at the map and thought "Annan, sure no one goes there. Let's just get the lads back in California to do us a CGI town, no one will know any different. 'Mon back tae Glasgae!"
To their credit they persevered, but like a confused taxi driver looking for a large open park who instead finds himself looking at a row of houses while his Tomtom insists that "your destination is on the right hand side" I could not find the place. After much searching and zooming, I did find it. Just. It's tucked behind the garage of number 4, Galabank Avenue. See?
→ Stranraer
Another ground that Google couldn't be bothered to take a proper drive to. Look carefully now. Just behind the slides and the ornate bandstand, you can just about make out the floodlights of Stranraer's ground. Try as I might, neither Google nor I could not get any closer.
In 1998, I moved to Galway, Ireland for my work. I decided to drive across Scotland to take in the scenery for one last time, ultimately taking a ferry from Stranraer to Larne in Northern Ireland. Having arrived early, I noticed that Stranraer where playing at home that afternoon and, having time to kill, I decided to take in a game, possibly my last Scottish game for quite some time. In those days Stranraer where a Division Two side and the team coming to Stairs Park that afternoon was Livingston, ironically enough now playing with Stranraer in the Third.
Stranraer won 2-0 on the day and I left the ground, headed to the ferry and left Scotland's fair shores for the last time. Well, until August that year when I came back for a wedding. And all the other times I've been back to Scotland after that.
→ Montrose
Now, here's a place where I've been a few times, what with it not being too far from Aberdeen. The team are called 'The Gable Endies', though I'm not altogether sure why, as there appear to be no Gables. Just 'Endies', like the one in the view presented here. I wonder how many locals bring along their stepladder of a Saturday to save on the £10 it costs to get in? I'd say the number must run into the low tens.
Back in the day, when I worked at Asco Smit in Aberdeen, we used to send our offshore workers to the Offshore Survival Training Center here in the town. You can see it if you came in from the A92, and as we drove past I'd say to those unfortunates in the car "look, that's where we send our offshore workers for training". And sometimes I'd say it on the way back too! It's got nothing to do with football, but it adds some colour to an otherwise dull entry.
→ Elgin City
Borough Brigs is one of the nicer lower league stadiums to be found around Scotland. Small, enclosed and surprisingly un-dilapidated. Like most stadiums at this level, it is surrounded by a faceless industrial estate and DIY hardware outlets. This could prove handy if you're ever up the town looking for a ladder (for example if Elgin are away at Montrose next week). And if you're in the mood for a game, the average attendance of 341 means there's seating enough for everyone (official capacity: 3,927) and the chances of hitting someone over the head with your ladder are slim, should you not have time to make it back to you car before the game starts. And only £9 a go as well!
Division Two is on the way soon!
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