THE season may well be over, but the topsy-turvey world of Scottish football doesn't stop turning just because everyone's away on the big Wallace Arnold coach to the Costa Blanca.
For one, there's our old friend Angelo Massone. Or should we say "oh no, it's Angelo!". Yes, the man who singlehandedly achieved his stated aims of getting Livingston out of the First division (to the Third) is back. Not content with completely ruining one club, he has now revealed plans to buy cash-strapped Kilmarnock in his latest desperate attempt to create some kind of creepy football New World Order (or a "network of European clubs" as he puts it). Whether Killie, who already have plenty of problems of their own, are happy about this is not recorded, but you cant help but think they're a bit torn by the idea.
After all, here is a man with a lot of money who is clearly crazy enough to pump even more of his money into an ailing club. And with his record of ownership you cant deny that Killie, like Livingston, will soon be going places. Angelo hopes to speak to someone at the club over the next few days, but something tells me there's going to be a lot of people hiding behind the sofa at Rugby Park when the doorbell goes. I wonder if Massone would be interested in Rangers ...
Someone who is not going on holiday anytime soon is 'raging' Jim Ballantyne, owner of top Second division side Airdrie United, or indeed any member of the paid playing staff. Pure radge at his sides relegation to Divison Two at the weekend at the hands of Brechin, Ballantyne (a man who, like Massone, bought himself into the league) called his entire squad back for "meaningless training sessions". Not content with ruining manager Kenny Black's daughters 15th birthday party (Black received an SMS ordering his return to the club just as the balloon-bender arrived), Ballantyne also promised to fine each of his players one week’s wage if they don’t report for training. Nice!
Campbell Ogilvie, the man with a first name I simply cannot spell properly no matter how hard I try, is to give up his cushy number as managing director of Hearts to concentrate full-time on his post at the SFA (he's currently vice-president, but he'll take over as president once George Peat fecks off next year).
Ogilvie will be put in charge of the Glorious Five Year Plan on the Putting Right The Total Shite We've Made Of It Over The Years Since David Narey Scored Against Brazil (aka "the McLeish Report"), beginning with the unenviable (but required) task of getting grassroots football on the road to well being.
Ogilvie is clearly the ideal man for the job, having spent several years trying to get money out of his absentee owner, a skill he can put to good use in somehow getting £500m from somewhere to do something, somehow. It's a futile and hopeless task, but nevertheless we wish him well.
Buddies superstriker Billy Mehmet will swap the black and white of St Mirren for the black and red of (here we go) Gençlerbirligi. Nope, never heard of them either. Here they are in glorious website-o-scope. A quick trawl through the site tells us that Mehmet will feel right at home at Genthingie: they're somewhere in the middle of the table with no hope of going anywhere anytime soon, and they've never won the top division, much like St Mirren. Excellent!
Finally, t'is the silly season, so here's some transfers rumours (note the word rumours) for you.
Anthony Stokes will join Celtic for £4.5M with Paul Caddis and Pat McCourt moving in the other direction. To plug the gap in the Hibs defence, Aberdeen pair Zander Diamond and Ritchie Foster will both move south. On the way through the Easter Road doors, they'll have to let Colin Nish pass: he's catching the bus north to Aberdeen with a Tesco carrier bag full of money, over £800,000 in fact. Possibly.
Canny Jim Jefferies will follow the example of several failed Scottish managers by offloading a load of his top players, including Andrew Driver and José Gonçalves to dip his toe in the lower leagues transfer tombola. He could do no worse than starting with a call to Dundee who seem to be clearing the decks in an attempt to qualify for the Dundee Tuesday-night outdoor 5-a-side league. Lastly, Rangers defender Danny Wilson is off to Liverpool for £2.5m (or £4m, depending who you read).
And for anyone who still cares about the man, Tony Mowbray looks set to take over at Coventry, a side formerly managed by Gordon Strachan.
Weird, huh?
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