Off The Ball - Monday Update

Oh, thank God that Euro nonsense is over. Inside Left is pleased that Germany didn't win, but is slightly miffed at the fact that we had originally picked Spain as winners in the office pool, but changed our minds - given Spain's record in football competitions generally - and changed to Italy instead. Excellent choice we thought, and so today we're £10 out of pocket; not a good way to start the day.

The two Scottish clubs represented at the competition, Celtic and Inverness CT, are probably glad it's over too, mainly because it means their players are no longer in the shop window and subject to being picked off by the bigger boys in the football playground. So just how did we rate the performance of the Scottish based players in Euro 2008?

Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink. It's hard to give him a rating because he only played once, and then for only 7 minutes (not counting injury time) when he came on for Klaas Jan Huntelaar after 83 minutes against Romania. We give Jan two points for making the team, 1 point for making an appearance and an extra point for keeping his kit clean.

Giorgos Samaras, like his Dutch team-mate, made only the one appearance, as a substitute against Sweden. He made some decent runs and looked dangerous when he first came on. Once Sweden got their second goal though, he didn't feature much.

Artur Boruc played in all 3 of Poland’s games, and was by far-and-away Poland's best player. He made a string of good saves that made the score lines look a lot worse had he not been there. We'd have given him nine points for making the best of a poor team, but deduct one because his performance meant there's a lot of clubs out to buy him, meaning another talented and entertaining player looks set to leave Scotland.

Inverness Caley's Marius Niculae started against Holland and came on as a substitute in the first game against France. He should be happy with his performances -  he's back on the international scene with Sporting Lisbon and Torino showing an interest.

Do you think we're right? Leave a comment with your opinions, or join the forum and start a discussion!

The Scottish Premier League has announced a massive £125m contract with Setanta Sports to continue the rights to live SPL matches for a further four years until 2014. The new deal - more than twice the value of the present one - will extend the current partnership from the start of season 2010/11 through to the end of season 2013/14.  (source BBC)

We're now only three days away from finding out who will join the SFL for next season. Last week on Inside Left we mentioned that Cove Rangers had created a video to showcase their club and explain why they, and not the others should join the league. The video is available here and is, in our opinion, rather good. Personally, we'd love Cove to join the league and give Aberdeen a second league team, but given the number of teams to have joined from the Highland League of late, it seems somewhat unlikely.

According to an "SFL insider", the eight-man SFL committee favours Annan Athletics’ bid, as they have the best facilities (apart from floodlights). Cove Rangers are planning a new stadium and Spartans are building a new stadium, though it will not be ready for the new season. The only potential fly in the ointment is the distance between Annan and the rest of civilisation. However, as Annan Athletic chairman Henry McClelland points out, they're an hour down the M74 from the "outskirts" of Glasgow. He goes on to say though, in an slightly own-goal sort of way, that the nearest league club is 80 miles away, further underlining the sheer remoteness of the club.

Spartans are panicking slightly, as the same SFL insider revealed that the Edinburgh based side scored poorly with the SFL management committee. The problem seems to be their new Ainslie Park ground, which will not be completed until the beginning of September.

We truly hope the SFL wont simply consider the stadium facilities as the most important criteria for selection. All the clubs applying have plans in place for new stadia which, when built, will serve the club and the community. The SFL needs to consider the long term, and not the short term vision and chose the team that will bring the most to Scottish Football on the pitch, in the stands and in the results. That may not always be the one with the best stadium.

The managerial merry-go-round at Hearts shows no sign of slowing down as another possible candidate, Jurgen Rober, turns down the dream-job that is being manager of Heart of Midlothian FC.  He fears too much interference from on high. And he'd be right about that! Jurgen was probably one of the most qualified managers Hearts could have hoped for, having managed for many years in the Bundesliga. Ian McLeod, a former member of of the 'Save Our Hearts' campaign group that successfully ousted Chris Robinson and his evil plan to move Hearts to Murrayfield, has said it is not too late for club owner Vladimir Romanov to save the clubs reputation if he acts quickly to appoint a new manager and stops interfering. He warned that:

"If things don't improve then people will vote with their feet and the team will be playing to half-empty stadiums. If things continue the way that they are then we are only a matter of weeks away from people saying that enough is enough. I have spoken to some of the other members of the previous campaign and, although we don't want it to take over our lives like it did before, the tide is definitely turning"

Hamilton have strengthened their managerial team with the appointment of John McCormack as Billy Reid's assistant.  The former Albion Rovers manager will face his old club again on 22nd July in a pre-season friendly. Staying in Hamilton,  Richard Offiong adds to his Irn Bru SFL First Division Player of the Year award - he's been named Sunday Mail First Division Player of the Year. Offiong was Division 1 top scorer last season with 19 goals.

Ok, that’s your lot for today – back tomorrow with more news and articles about the game in Scotland.

Scottish Promoted Teams in Season 2008/09 (Part 2)

Part two of our profile on the teams promoted from the Scottish Divisions last year takes us down to Division Two, and a look at the three teams promoted at the end of last season.

East Fife (Promoted as champions)
The Fifers led the league from week two and never looked back. Officially champions in March, they won the league at a canter, 23 points ahead of Stranraer, giving the Methill side their first league title since 1948. An impressive season all-round: 28 wins, 4 losses and 4 draws; seventy-seven goals scored, only twenty-four against.

Their exit in the Scottish Cup at the hands of Rangers resulted in a 7-0 thumping of Stenhousemuir, with Paul McManus scoring four of seventeen goals he'd score that season.  Manager Dave Baikie will start his first full season at the club and will know that it is a step-up from the Third to the Second, something East Fife know all too well: the club was relegated in their last two outings in Division Two in 1999 and 2004. Goran Stanic joins from St Johnstone to shore up the defence, together with Paul Nugent (signed from Stirling Albion), while Michael Brown will provide cover for Willie McCulloch in goal.

Prediction: They'll need to work hard to avoid history repeating itself. Providing they keep up the blistering form that saw them lose only twice at home and twice on the road, they should be ok. A 7th place for East Fife.

Arbroath (Promoted via the play-offs)
Having missed out on promotion from Division Three for the last two seasons, Arbroath make it third time lucky.  Arbroath finished fourth, a position they held for most of the season. Somewhat worryingly, they also finished 35 points behind East Fife and 13 behind Stranraer. Promoted by way of the play-offs, where they beat Cowdenbeath and Stranraer, the Lichties return to the Second Division with a relatively poor record.

Six wins, seven losses and five draws in their 18 home games is not great and needs to be improved next season. Strangely, but perhaps not surprisingly, their away form was better - they won more games on the road (eight) and scored five more goals. A final goal difference of +7 is tight, compared with the 22, 23 and 53 goal difference of the three teams to finish above them. There's no doubt then that if Arbroath want to stay in the Second Division, they need to win more games at home, and get scoring. Brian Scott chipped in with 11, captain Barry Sellar got 8 while the two Pauls, Watson and Tosh, contributed thirteen goals between them.

Transfer wise, Forfar captain John Fraser moved up the coast. Fraser was part of the Stranraer and Stirling Albion sides promoted in 2005 and 2007, but his magic didn't rub of on Forfar, who finished bottom of the Third Division last season. Nevertheless, he's an experienced midfielder who'll bring stability to the Arbroath midfield. Defender Craig Tully has left for East Stirlingshire.

No other transfers are planned, thought the Arbroath transfer kitty could be boosted by money from the sell-on clause in Andy Websters' contract (Webster left Arbroath for Hearts in 2001). Arbroath have already received £26,000 from the deal, but claim they're entitled to a percentage of the player’s fee following his move from Hearts to Wigan: a distracting court battle may follow.

Prediction: They're certainly not the strongest team to move up from the Third Division this season and we think they'll struggle unless they improve on that terrible home form. We predict a bottom-half finish: 8th.

Stranraer (Promoted due to Gretna's demise)
Stranraer find themselves back in the Second Division after a short absence. Relegated at the end of season 2006/07, a second place finish behind East Fife gave them a place in the play-offs. They beat third-placed Montrose 4-1 on aggregate in the semi-finals, but then lost 2-1 against fourth-placed Arbroath. Stranraer where promoted, as losing semi-finalists, when Gretna where demoted to the Third division in a league reshuffle that also saw Airdrie United go up to Division One for the same reason.

2007/08 was a season more remarkable off the field than on it. Secretary Barney Duffy resigned over allegations of sex acts in the boardroom while ex-Chairman Jim Bark received 250 hours community service after pleading guilty to a charge of embezzling cash from the club's lottery. The only blot on this season’s record was a heavy 6-0 Scottish Cup defeat to a team they'll face again next season, Stirling Albion.

Transfer wise, out go Steven Bonar, Darren Gribben, Pat Keogh, while in comes 19-year-old Craig Frizell, a forward from Elgin City, and Stephen McConalogue who signed up permanently following his loan spell at Stair Park last season. Michael Mullen and Grégory Tadé - good for 26 goals between them last season in all competitions - stay with the club.

Prediction: Stirling Albion may be called the "Yo-Yos", but it's a nickname that could apply just as well to Stranraer: they've been in a different division each season for the last seven. Manager Derek Ferguson, brother of Rangers captain Barry Ferguson, will know it'll be hard work, but we rate their chances better than Arbroath's - a 7th place for The Clayholers.

So that completes our round-up for the teams promoted in Scotland in season 2007/08. Think we're right, or do you think we've no idea what we're on about? Well, leave a comment or, better still, join our forum and tell us what you think.

Best interest at Heart(s)?

Scottish football has had a pretty good time of it lately.

The national team has performed valiantly in the qualifying rounds of Euro 2008; our club sides performed as well as can be expected in European competitions, one team even reaching a final.  We had a First Division side in the final of a domestic cup competition, and the league went down to the wire with an exciting final day that left everyone breathless.

It's a shame then, that the ongoing drama at Heart of Midlothian football club is continuing to drag the profile of Scottish football down with it. Stephen Frail, caretaker-manager at the Edinburgh side was turned away from the Riccerton training facilities and told to go on 'garden leave'. Without any further explanation as to the reasons for his - lets face it - imminent dismissal and without any further insight into the plans that owner Vladimir Romanov has for the future of the club, Hearts fans are left wondering what the Russian-born Lithuanian banker has in store for them next.

Without a manager since the start of 2008, and after a poor season with players leaving like rats off a sinking ship, the feeling that Hearts are on course for a collision with a very big iceberg remains. Unable to attract a manager of the calibre needed to steer the club to safety (Vladimir Weiss has opted to remain in Slovakia), expectations for the new season must be low.

On paper, Romanov was the ideal candidate to take Hearts to the next level. Wealthy (he's worth an estimated £200m according to the Times 2008 Rich List) and a football lover, you could have forgiven the Hearts faithful for thinking that good times where on the way. And for a while they certainly where. A second place finish in 2006 and victory in the Scottish Cup was followed by a fourth place finish in 2007.

But off the field, trouble was brewing as Romanov began exercising the power that club ownership invariably brings. And Romanov has cracked down particularly hard on those not willing to accept his way of working. Craig Gordon, Paul Hartley, Stephen Pressley left the club after expressing concern at Romanov's hands-on running of Hearts. Chief Executive Phil Anderton and George Burley, the manager Anderton had brought in where sacked the day after Romanov gained complete control over the club; chairman George Foulkes resigned in protest. Not surprisingly, Romanov brought people into the club, yes-men, who would accept the reality of life at Hearts. He shut up shop and sent a clear message to the fans: I'm the owner and I will do what I like.

Dundee United, Dundee and Dunfermline shareholders must surely be glad that they turned down Vladimir Romanov's initial approaches to take over their clubs, if the situation at Hearts is any indication what life for them would have been like under Romanov rule.  But while Inside Left sympathises with the plight of the club, we are beginning to see the fruits of a marriage that had problems right from the start, namely Vladimir Romanov's unwillingness to delegate management of the day-to-day running of Heart of Midlothian Football Club.

But then again, why should he?

If you invest as much into a business as Romanov has done, you'd think he'd be entitled to do as he pleases. He is the owner after all, welcomed with open arms back in 2005 on the back of promises of heavy investment, growth and success. But where Romanov is wrong is his position that Hearts is a business, first and foremost, one that must be successful, no matter what the cost. But Hearts is more than a business - it's an institution in Edinburgh and in Scotland. It's a living, breathing thing onto which the hopes and dreams of fans are pinned, fans who want to see the club be successful but with pride, dignity and respect, not with lurid headlines, ignominious sackings and the disgraceful treatment given out to the likes of Stephen Frail who have had nothing but the best interest at heart for Hearts.

It is possible to have an owner who invests, but who does not interfere. Stewart Milne at Aberdeen, Eddie Thompson at Dundee United and David Murray at Rangers are examples of (rich) owners who leave the running of the club to someone else. It can be done, but is it too late for Hearts?

The Edinburgh team are in a precarious position. With debts of £30m, underwritten by Ukio Bankas Investment Group, the investment group that Romanov owns, Hearts need him more than he needs them. In the simplest terms: without him, they're sunk, with him, they're stuck.  At the end of the day, Hearts only have themselves to blame.

After all, if you pay the piper, you dance to his tunes.

Scottish Promoted Teams in Season 2008/09 (Part 1)

The new season is now only thirty-two days away.  With most clubs returning from their summer break and getting back into pre-season training, Inside Left looks at the teams promoted from the Scottish Football Leagues and assesses their fortunes for the 2008/09 season.  We start today with Hamilton, Airdrie United and Ross County, and conclude tomorrow in the Second Division with East Fife, Arbroath and Stranraer.

Hamilton Academical (promoted from Division One as Champions)

To say Hamilton where runaway winners would be putting it mildly. They traded places with Dundee at the top of the table in week 3, and never looked back. Pushed hard by their Tayside rivals all the way, Hamilton where eventually crowned champions in April following their 2-0 win against Clyde. The Accies finished the season on 76 points, without losing a game at home. With 62 goals scored and only 27 conceded in 36 games shows they're good at the back, and able to score up front too - First Division Player of the Year winner Richard Offiong was top scorer last season with 19 goals.

Tying down "Manager of the Year" Billy Reid on a three-year contract was a big relief to the fans - he had previously been on a rolling contract. On the field, The Accies have not been too extravagant in their pre-season spending; keeper Sean Murdoch, midfielder Mark Corcoran and Dundee striker Derek Lyle are new additions for this season.

Off the field, the club have spent nearly £750,000 to get ready for life in the Scottish Premier League. The spending includes under-soil heating, a sprinkler system, two new dug-outs as well as a new press room and players’ lounge and an upgrade to the CCTV and computer-operated turnstile systems required by the police.

Hamilton are not unfamiliar with life in the top flight, but the last time they played in the SPL, season 88/89, they finished bottom on fourteen points. This precipitated a drop in fortunes for the Accies which saw them relegated down to the Third Division in 2000, but steady performances since has seen them climb up the leagues and after seventh, fourth and third place finishes, they return to the top division.

They're under no illusion that life in the SPL will be tough. A young enthusiastic squad, eager to prove their worth in the top flight could be their strength, but also their weakness - inexperience. Put simply, survival is the aim of the game this season. They need to continue last season's excellent home form and hope Offiong keeps scoring, and work hard to pick up points from the weaker half of the league.

Prediction: 8th. A tough season and potentially a long one if they don’t get off to winning ways soon. They start the campaign at home to Dundee United, before trips away to Kilmarnock and Inverness which should see them picking up points, as well as confidence.  Local rivals Motherwell come to town on the 1st November - a tasty derby!

Ross County (promoted from Division Two as Champions)

Ross County bounce back to the First Division hoping to do a lot better than they did in 2006/07 when they finished rock bottom. Promoted as Second Division champions, the Dingwall side relied heavily on former Queen of the South and Kilmarnock striker Andy Barrowman's 29 goals and will miss him next season now that he's joined SPL team and former Highland League rivals Inverness CT.

Second Division Manager of the Year Derek Adams has brought in experienced players to help with this seasons campaign, including former SPL players Richie Hart who, if he and Sean Higgins can keep up the form that had them scoring 11 goals each last season, should go some way to replacing Barrowman. Former Aberdeen player and U-21 international Scott Morrison and ex-Dundee United player Danny Griffin also joined, and more experience comes in the shape of goalkeeper Tony Bullock and defender Stuart Golabek.  Finally, Steven Craig joins from Livingston after two seasons of invaluable First Division experience as the Jags try to re-establish themselves.

Like Airdrie, Ross County are solid mid-table team. Apart from last season, Ross County have never finished lower than eight in the First Division, but never higher than fourth. A good cup run would suffice, and this season they'll be hoping to get their own back on St Johnstone, the team they face first in the Challenge Cup (and also the team that knocked them out the same competition last year - they would go on to win it).

Prediction: The First Division is a tough division to get out of. Derek Adams has got a squad with experience this season, so relegation should not be an issue. Mid-table safety is achievable, so that's what we'll go for - a sixth place finish.

Airdrie United (promoted from Division Two)

Airdrie United finished a distant second to Second Division winners Ross County. A somewhat poor start to the season saw them out of the league cup in only the second week of the season. It took a 6-0 thumping of Alloa to get back to winning ways, but the erratic form that would hallmark the 07/08 season was never far away, generally winning two games, then losing (though Airdrie did win four in a row between Boxing day and the first week of January).

Nevertheless, they never found themselves lower that 7th throughout the season and come the end of April, they where right behind Ross County and into the Division One play-offs. They beat Raith 4-2 on aggregate in the semi-final to set up a meeting with Clyde where a 1-0 home defeat, followed by a 2-0 defeat away at the Broadwood meant Airdrie United would remain in Division Two for another season.

At least, that was the case until Gretna's demotion to Division Three which meant that as losing play-off finalists, Airdrie United where promoted and would start the new season in Division One. Slightly ironically, some might say, as six years ago it was Gretna that took Airdrieonians place in the league.

A clear-out followed at the end of the season, including senior Player of the Year and top scorer Allan Russell, who moved to Kilmarnock, and 2006/07 Player of the Year Bryan Prunty who went to Ayr after three seasons with Airdrie. Striker Paul Di Giacomo was snapped on a free after being released by Kilmarnock. Manager Kenny Black is a bit of an Airdrie legend, having played for former incarnation Airdrieonians before leaving for Raith Rovers and Leicester City, to return to the town where he won his first senior medal, when Airdrieonians defeated Dundee in the 1994/95 Scottish Challenge Cup final.

Prediction: More of the same really. Airdrie United return to the First Division together with the team that followed them to the Second Division at the end of season 2006/07, Ross County. A safe mid-table finish should be within their grasp, providing Stuart Noble keeps up scoring, and they manage to string results together better than they did last season.

Join us tomorrow as we profile the teams promoted from Division Three last season.

Off The Ball - Midweek Update

Allow me a wee tangent while I make a preamble about something seemingly unrelated to Scottish football - I'll get back on topic, just stick with it.

Former Englandshire manager Steve McLaren is in the news again as he aims to get his managerial career back on track. Given the flack he's been getting back home in England, a return to club football there would have been next to impossible. In Holland, where press intrusion on the scale seen in the UK is considerably less, he's hoping to get a chance to rebuild away from the spotlight and has taken over at FC Twente Enschede, the club that former Aberdeen player Scott Booth also spent three years at.

In the few interviews McLaren has given so far, he has said that one of things that convinced him to move to Holland was the talks he held with another former England manager, Sir Bobby Robson who, for two years managed top side PSV Eindhoven. As chronicled in Simon Kupers excellent "Football Against The Enemy", Robson had a pretty torrid time of it in the Netherlands. Though he had a squad of supremely talented players available to him (including Brazilian legend Romário), Robson found the Dutch 'polder model' way of running the team (where decisions are made by the group, usually after lengthy debate) at odds with the British style of football management, i.e. the one which has the manager in charge of all tactics and decisions. Robson won the Dutch Premier League in the two seasons he was there, but left shortly afterwards.

Perhaps Steve McLaren would have been better off talking to current Aberdeen boss Jimmy Calderwood, who spent more than twenty years playing, as well as managing in the Dutch Leagues. Calderwood joined Sparta Rotterdam (the oldest professional football team in Holland) in 1979, before moving onto Willem II and Roda JC, for whom he  made over one hundred appearances. He coached at FC Zwolle, Cambuur Leeuwarden and Willem II, teams probably closer in comparison to FC Twente than PSV Eindhoven. Calderwood then managed Willem II (where he coached an up-and-coming Jaap Stam) and NEC Nijmegen between July '97 and December '99 when he returned to Scotland and Dunfermline. His managerial stats - P 82 W 26 D 13 L 43 Pts 91 suggest he didn't exactly have a great time in Holland either, but at least he'd have been able to advise McLaren of what life at the rough end of Dutch football would be like.

Hearts

Stephen Frail looks set to continue on as Hearts "manager" for a bit longer. Vladimir Weiss is expected to give his final answer about the vacancy at Tynecastle on Thursday. Meanwhile, former Russian international Andrei Zygmantovich is also said to be (or should that be "told to be") interested in the Hearts job. No great surprises there; Zygmantovich is currently assistant coach at Kaunas (aka FC Vladimir Romanov).

Division 3

The five clubs hoping to join the fun in the Scottish League have now all been visited by the SFL committee. Early reports indicate the toilet facilities at Preston Athletic are the worst out of the five clubs (requiring a major upgrade apparently), while the floodlights - or rather, the lack of floodlights - at Annan Athletic are causing some concern. If successful, the club plans to  ground share with Queen of the South at nearby Palmerston Park until the lights are installed, currently scheduled for the end of August.

Fellow applicants Cove Rangers have gone hi-tech in their proposal: they've only gone and made a video and then emailed it to each of the 29 members of the SFL! The five-minute production describes details of their proposed new stadium at Calder Park, and has Cove's top flight neighbours Aberdeen FC backing the Highland League club's bid. A number of clubs up and down the North East have all pledged their support and backing for the Cove bid, including the chairmen of Peterhead, Ross County, Elgin, Forfar, Arbroath and Brechin, who are probably all hoping they wont be having to travel to the back of beyond (read: Annan) for away games.

Cove chairman Keith Moorhouse is keen to promote Cove as a go-ahead club and he hopes the video will help reinforce that. We trust the 542Mb file won't fill up the in-boxes of the clubs concerned. It's a pity that Cove's high-tech policy doesn't extend to the making of an official club website, but you can't have everything.

Lobbying will now start of the SFL member clubs in order to gain preference in the vote taking place on 3rd July. In a first past the post system, the first team to get fifteen votes will be declared the winner, culminating in a puff of white smoke from the chimney and SFL Chief Executive David Longmuir proclaiming "Habemus Restituo" from the balcony at Hampden.

The BBC has profiled the teams in the race to be Club 'X'. Go to their website for more details.

Transfer News

Former Kilmarnock striker Paul di Giacomo has moved a few miles up the M80 to join recently promoted First Division outfit Airdrie United. Di Giacomo had been released last week by Kilmarnock. Striker Gary Wales, released along with Di Giacomo is still without a club. Wales, 29, had previously played with Hamilton and Hearts.

Andy Barrowman opted for Inverness CT rather than play in the Championship. Barrowman scored 29 goals last season to help Ross County to promotion back to the First Division. He's signed a three-year deal at the Caledonian Stadium.

In Dundee, Alex Rae is not happy. Not at losing another player (the £500,000 Dundee received in Scotland U-21 international Kevin McDonald's move to Burnley will come in handy), but rather at McDonald's agents. Rae claims bigger clubs came in for McDonald at the last minute and feels he should have waited before putting his thumbprint on the dotted line. Clubs bigger than Burnley. Is that possible?

It's Gala day at Dumbarton as former Kilmarnock and Partick Thistle midfielder Stevie Murray signs up for two years. Dumbarton are gearing up for next season having already made 12 purchases over the summer including 2 goalkeepers, 3 defenders, 4 midfielders, 2 forwards, 1 striker and a partridge in a pear tree.

Ryan McCann has opted to move to Coca-Cola Football League Two side Morecambe.  The 26-year-old, proud owner of an 84-yard screamer against Dundee in the Scottish Cup last season turned down the opportunity to play UEFA Cup football to join Morecambe. Which begs the question, why?!?

Former Falkirk player Alan Gow is considering a move to championship side Norwich Currently signed to Rangers, Gow, 25 is frustrated at not being able to claim a first team place at Ibrox. He has previously played for Clydebank and Airdrie. Norwich finished 17th last season.

John Gemmell, the want-away Albion Rovers striker has signed a two year deal with Cowdenbeath. Scoring 12 goals in 22 appearances, Gemmell had been transfer-listed at his own request. "John will offer us a physical presence up front and knows how to put the ball in the back of the net", according to Blue Brazil manager Danny Lennon.

Finally...

The BBC website today has the full itinerary of the SPL teams on their pre-season tours.  Inside Left will be in Deventer for Aberdeen's game against Go Ahead Eagles on the 2nd August and is hoping to catch a few words with Jimmy and the team before they return to Scotland.

Ok, that's it. We're back tomorrow with profiles of the teams promoted from the various divisions in Scotland last season. In the meantime, questions, comments and bribes to the usual address please.

Subbuteo

The demise of Shoot! magazine later this month marks the end of another piece of football paraphernalia with which I grew up, and which helped me keep up-to-date with the game in an era before the Internet, satellite television and YouTube. It´s hard to believe, but once upon a time, people like me had to rely on Saint & Greavesy for all our football news.

Players whose names we´d know, but whose faces where a mystery to us until we ripped open that little packet of Panini stickers on our way home from the shops. I used to buy Shoot! magazine at the RS MColl (a chain of shops in Scotland, founded by a former Rangers player) on Seafield Road in Aberdeen and, if the budget stretched to it, a packet of Panini stickers. The magazine was not great for Scottish football (what football magazine is these days?) but it was better than nothing. Up until a few years ago I still had quite a few Shoot! annuals lying about, but being so hopelessly outdated as they were, I ditched them all, something I regret because I suspect they might be worth a bit now.

Anyway, aside from Shoot!, Panini and Saint & Greavesy, we also had Subbuteo to get us through the long off-season. Tonight, in honour of the memory of football paraphernalia of days gone by, Inside Left would like to share his memories of many an evening spent alone in the attic with little plastic men, an oversize ball and the St Johns Ambulance brigade.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: Subbuteo.

Subbuteo came in a variety of editions, from the cheap (the pitch, two goals, a ball and two teams) to the deluxe (a complete stadium, South American style goals, a fence and an Astroturf pitch). The wonderful thing about it all was that you could buy the cheap edition and over the months spend all your pocket money on getting a variety of things with which to augment your setup, turning it from a humble pitch in the park to a Hampden style setup. Most of the things you could buy where complete crap and would just get in the way (a riot fence, introduced somewhere around the mid ´80s which would keep your spectators in but on which you´d always snag your cardigan), whilst some of the others you simply had to have:

Floodlights

If you where lucky enough like me to be able to afford the various stands, then the floodlights really made the whole thing real. With a big chunky black base for the four Lithium batteries you needed, the white plastic mast and the 4×4 bank of lights in their solid black plastic casing, they really looked the part. Unfortunately, the light they emitted wouldn’t have been enough to cover a stamp, let alone an entire pitch. Even with all four of them on you could just about make out the front three rows of the stand and the penalty spot. After that it was a no-mans land. The romance of the Wednesday evening European Cup ties between Waterschei and Lech Poznan was out, just like the floodlights after 10 minutes of use.

The Half Empty Stadiums

Together with the floodlights, about the only other thing that really made the big match atmosphere come alive was a stadium crammed with supporters. You could buy these pre-painted, but having already blown all your money on the batteries to keep the floodlights going, you could only afford the unpainted figures and perhaps two tins of Umbrol paint. In my case, the only two colours I could ever afford where blue and green. Painting the little figures was a right nightmare and with only the two colours, variation was somewhat absent. The other problem was that you needed so many of them to fill the stadium. I once worked out that a fully complete Subbuteo stadium would seat over 2,500 people! This always meant that your stadium resembled a Queens Park reserve game on a rainy Wednesday in November at Hampden rather than that big Old Firm derby you had in mind. Big Match atmosphere it said on the box? Aye, my arse.

The Crocked Teams

There was always the one team you had that more resembled a First World War field hospital rather than a top flight football team. There was your headless goalkeeper, your fullback with one arm missing and ‘Stubby’, who was just a base with two feet and perhaps only his ankles. In my case this was always Glasgow Rangers, a team I despised so much in those days that whenever life was getting me down or Rangers beat Aberdeen again, I’d get the box down from the loft and snap off Peter McCloys arm, or take the head off Derek Johnstone, the fat bastard.

The Sloping Pitch

We had a deep shag carpet up in our loft so this required a solid base on which to put the pitch. The pitch was generally made of some kind of cheap green cloth on which the various lines had been drawn,  in various degrees of straightness and thickness. This was always the cheaper option than the Astroturf pitch which cost an absolute fortune, but it was a decision you would regret because after about two months your pitch would resemble the Turin Shroud, with the lines all faded and broken. The good thing was that you could just get the Tipex out and re-do them yourself. My pitch was stuck onto a piece of plywood which had an uphill slope at the far left corner that made Easter Road look like a snooker table. It was further attached to the board by means of several strategically placed drawing pins that would warp the lines in such a way that your eighteen-yard area might be anywhere from twelve to twenty-five yards out, depending on the way the drawing pins where placed. Anyway, getting a corner or a throw-in on that side of the pitch was practically impossible. You’d flick the ball there, only for it to roll back towards the penalty spot. Or worse, into the …

Bouncy Nets

Subbuteo had two types of goal. One was more of a hockey goal than anything else, the other was your traditional goal-stanchion-net affair. The problem with the goals was that the net was generally so unfeasibly tight on the frame that it wasn’t so much an onion-sack as a trampoline. Any reasonably hard shot wouldn’t nestle in the far corner, but bounce out back towards the half-way line. Picture the scene: Rangers vs. Aberdeen in front of 40 green and blue spectators in your splendid Subbuteo stadium. With five minutes to go and the score at 7-6, you’re after flicking your headless center-forward into a scoring position in front of the Rangers goal. With a deft flick of the forefinger the ball screams towards the goal with only the one-armed keeper to beat. It flies past him into the back of the net and straight back out again towards the half way line, the one you freshly Tipex-ed before the game. "Goal!" you shout. "Post" shouts your mate. An argument ensues at the end of which your now ex-friend goes home in a huff and you go upstairs and another Rangers player loses a limb.

What Fookin´Team Is That?

Back in the old days, before the dismantling of the trade unions, the factory floor and militant socialism, Subbuteo had a factory somewhere in England where rows upon rows of women would sit and paint the teams. At least that’s what I imagined, because even today I don’t think you could invent a machine that could accurately and consistently do you a Celtic top on a Subbuteo figure. So if you’ve just got a bunch of Manchester United or Rangers or Leeds to do, you’re grand. Anything a little bit more intricate however and you’d soon see which ones where done towards the end of the shift. You know the ones: teams with stripes or hoops. Celtic, Arsenal, West Ham, Aston Villa, Crystal Palace and the Aberdeen strip of the late 70’s where all pretty tricky to do and generally looked a right state. Buying a new team wasn’t so much a thrill as playing Russian Roulette. The one player you’d see through the little window always looked top notch, but when you got home and opened the rest of the box, the disappointment was crushing. Many of my Arsenal vs. Aston Villa (or was it West Ham, it was hard to tell) games where played under floodlights to avoid embarrassment.

Subbuteo Crap-O-Rama

Subbuteo came with many little add-ons to make it all the more realistic. At one time, I had a Dugout,  a TV tower (including camera team and John Motson figure), a police dog team (all green and blue, including the dog), a St Johns ambulance crew (again, green and …), and a score board, the one that came with about two hundred sheets of cardboard on which was printed the names of just about every team in existence in those days. You'd have to get your mum to help cutting the names out, because after about an hour the stigmata would set in.

The best ones though, where the corner kick taker and the throw-in taker. The corner kick taker was basically a huge figure somewhat resembling Nat Lofthouse in 1930’s shorts, with a pin through his hips on which his right leg could swivel. The idea was that you’d place the ball in front of him, pull his right leg back and then launch the ball into the six-yard area. The idea was good, the reality somewhat different. Like the throw-in taker (another giant, this one on a spring), the ball would generally end up in the stands or under the bed. Completely useless, just like the other add-ons that just got in the way during the course of the game and which would eventually end up under the bed, or in the hoover.

Unlike Shoot! magazine, Subbuteo is still going, as are the Panini stickers. I wonder though for how long before we´ll be consigning these two to the football history bin.

{originally published on starofthenorth.net, and republished here for the sake of nostalgia}

Monday Stramash

Ok, we're back (and hopefully with the correct font this time) in the saddle after a somewhat flimsy weekend of Euro '08 related nonsense and general nothingness. In an action packed bumper update, we go from the town 'twix the rivers Dee and Don, to the waters of the Clyde and we finish off as always with a quick round-up of the news around the leagues.

We begin though, in deepest darkest Stirling, county town of Stirlingshire and supposedly the third fastest growing area of Scotland in terms of population, if not football.  An eagle-eyed reader of Inside Left got in touch to point out that in our article about derby games in the new season we missed another humdinger of a derby game also taking place on the 13th September. So for Brian, and all fans of Stirling Albion and/or Alloa, this is just for you!

Stirling Albion vs. Alloa (13th September)
The Gods have not always been kind to Stirling Albion. The clubs nickname, or at least one of them, is the Yo-Yos. This has nothing to do with gangsta rap you understand, but rather their inability to stay in one division longer than one or two seasons. Two years ago they won promotion to the First, beating Airdrie in the play-offs, only to drop straight back down again the next, thus setting up this juicy tie against their local rivals from down the road in Clackmannanshire, Alloa Athletic. Alloa, aka "The Wasps", have been regulars in the Second division since around 2003.  Formed in 1883, it wasn't until 1921 that Alloa where elected into the Scottish Football League, having previously played its games in the Scottish Football Union and the Central Football League. The games between these two have had some interesting score lines. In 2007, Albion beat Alloa 5-0, while in 1999, Alloa beat Albion by seven goals to nil. Aside from the League, the two sides will also meet in the Stirlingshire Cup this year, a competition Stirling Albion have been rather successful in, winning it 13 times. Alloa last won the cup in 1997.
Throw-In: Stirling Albion are the holders of quite a few intriguing records in Scottish football. For example, in the 80/81 season, Albion went without scoring a league goal for eight months, still managing to finish second bottom (Berwick Rangers ended the season below them). They're also the first Scottish team to play on artificial turf and hold the record Scottish Cup score when they beat Selkirk 20-0. Selkirk are something of a goal-mine for these two sides, as Alloa's highest ever score also came against the Borders team. Alloa didn't beat Stirling's score, but 9-0 is not exactly shabby.

We should also point out that we missed out the Aberdeen vs. Dundee United game, as well as the Ayr vs. Stranraer fixture which also takes place on 13th September, for no reason other than sheer apathy. Besides, the Dons didn't exactly shine against United last year, so the least said about that, the better.

Still in Aberdeen, much excitement abounds at the prospect of yet another Dutch second division available-on-a-free-transfer player coming to Pittodrie. This time it's the turn of RKC Waalwijk's Tim Bakens who's keen to savour the bitter north east wind blowing down off the Dick End. The tall central defender turned down a new deal at RKC and, though he has other options, Bakens has spoken to Jimmy Calderwood and is still willing to consider a year or so in the SPL. Another central defender, Andrew Considine, has also been offered a new deal, while talks with Alan Maybury are set to continue in the hope of keeping him on for another season.

Dolphins in the Clyde are becoming as common as Celtic and Rangers stories in the press. Even though we're a good while away yet from the start of the season, the flurry of activity around Parkhead and Ibrox doesn't know the meaning of the word 'fact'. For one, James McFadden, who recently went down with the HMS Birmingham has said he's keen to leave England, prompting several newspapers to jump to conclusions and link McFadden, 25, immediately to Celtic. The club have of course denied it all, even going so far as to say that at no point are they lining up a deal involving £5.5m and Bobo Balde in exchange for the Scotland striker. Former Scotland boss Craig Brown and assistant Terry Butcher also got in on the act, telling McFadden that even playing in the Conference would not damage his chances of playing for Scotland. Quite what that is supposed to mean we're not sure, but if they're implying that the Scotland team would do well with players playing in the Conference, then we're in for a rocky World Cup 2010 qualifying round. Anyway, Celtic would do well to remember the hype that surrounded Maurice Johnson who would definitely sign for Celtic, oh yes, until he turned up a few days later at Ibrox wearing a Rangers top, with one arm around Souness and one tightly clenched sphincter. I wouldn't put it past them to be honest.

Another player possibly on his way out is the Holy Goallie, Artur Boruc. So impressive was he during Poland’s excellent Euro'08 run that clubs are lining up around the block to steal him away from Parkhead. Despite Celtic putting a price tag of around £6m on the player, there are plenty of clubs able to afford that kind of money, with Arsenal said to be among the possible suitors. Former Celtic keeper Magnus Hedman recently compared Boruc's command of his area and his willingness to come for crosses with Chelsea's Peter Cech. Given Cech's impression of Flappy The Seal against Turkey the other week though, the comparison does not flatter Boruc who'll be hoping that Hedman will keep his trap shut before another £1m gets wiped of his value.

Heart of Midlothian meanwhile, have found another possible mug to take over at Tynecastle. Having given up on Vladimir Weiss and Gudjon Thordarson, their attention has now turned to Jacques Santini. Santini has experience at club (sacked by Spurs, sacked by Auxerre) as well as international level (sacked as manager of France after the shock exit to Greece at Euro 2004) and approached the Edinburgh club with a possibility of taking over there. Santini has experience and he did take Lyon to their first title in years, but the problem with Hearts remains their despotic ruler Vladimir Romanov. His reputation as an interfering busy-body who uses one of Scotland’s finest clubs as his personal plaything is not exactly enticing qualified candidates to come forward. Yes, he owns the club and yes, it's his money, but Vlad, think of the bigger picture here: your club is a joke, your imported players are gash and you go through managers quicker than lager turns to pish.

Ok, back later with more news from around the leagues. In the meantime, if you know of any stories we should be covering at Inside Left, leave a comment and our secretary will get back to you. 

Till themurrah!

Sunday Nonsense

On our way back in the car from seeing "Lord of The Dance" this afternoon, I remarked to Mrs Inside Left how amazing it was to be able to stand in an auditorium and sing an Aberdeen FC terrace favourite at full belt without getting turfed out by the stewards. Incredulous at Inside Left's ability to be able to link a terrace chant to Irish culture, I proceeded to demonstrate how Lord of The Dance and Guus Hiddink, the winning coach of Russia's team that beat the Netherlands last night, are indeed linked. Mrs Inside Left said it couldn't be done, but here goes anyway (with apologies to Some People Are On The Pitch):

Jean Buttler, whose mother was born in County Mayo, Ireland (incidentally also home to Mrs Inside Left) started dancing at the age of four. And being rather good at it, before too long she was appearing in all sorts of Irish Dancing shows. Her crowning moment came during the Eurovision Song Contest when during the interval, she performed a piece called Riverdance, choreographed by one

Michael Flatley, who, astounded by the success of Riverdance went on to expand the show, but artistic differences forced him to leave and create his own dance show, which he called

Lord of the Dance, and which is also one of the tunes sung by the supporters of

Aberdeen FC, though with widely different lyrics. For many years, one of Aberdeen's finest imports was

Hans Gillhaus who endeared himself to the Aberdeen faithful by scoring 2 goals on his debut in a 3-1 defeat of Dunfermline. Aberdeen signed Hans from Dutch side

PSV Eindhoven for £650,000 saving him from becoming a bench warmer for Brazilian legend Romario, who had just signed by the club, then being managed by

Guus Hiddink, then in his first spell at PSV but already establishing himself as a top coach, culminating in the defeat of his native Holland last night as coach of Russia.

I know, not exactly Scottish football, but the links are there if you look closely. And it's been a really slow news day. Back to business tomorrow I promise, but if anyone else has a good idea for a Scottish football version of the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon game, do leave a comment.

Until tomorrow, mar sin leibh an dràsda!

Saturday Roundup

Saturday is almost over and Inside Left finally gets to sit behind a computer to find out what's going on in the world of Scottish football.

Sorry for the late update, but we were invited to the neighbours house to watch the Holland vs Russia game and partake of a few cans of Heineken and/or Russian vodka whilst the two teams slugged it out. Typically for Inside Left however, a build-up of excess Heineken required a visit to the toilet towards the end of the second half of extra time and we somehow contrived to miss both the Russian goals. Not that we care of course; as regular readers know, at Inside Left we're not at home to European football. There's just something about the full stadiums, the intricate passing and intelligent interplay of the teams on show that makes us regard that style of football in much the same way a French farmer treats a donkey. It's so alien to the long ball up the middle, first touch of an elephant, players with a turning circle of a fully laden supertanker style football in front of 988 people that we're used to.

But wait, this is a blog about Scottish football right? Why then am I banging on about Russia, and the Euro's. Well, the answer is this: a cunning link.

Ex-Aberdeen midfielder Barry Nicholson has said he's playing (here it comes) Russian roulette (wahey!) with his future. His plan which involved not re-signing for his current club and then waiting by the telephone for the offers to come pouring in has somewhat backfired. Nicholson, 29, is only weeks away from having to start a back-to-work scheme, but whether that'll be with a football club or McDonalds remains to be seen. "I'm still not in panic mode" he said, before adding "yet". Well, tell us to mind our own business Barry, but we'd be panicking about now! Clubs to have shown an interest in the past include German side Bochum and Sweden's IFK Gothenburg and a host of English clubs of various repute. Quite why Nicholson has not been snapped up is a mystery to all at Inside Left. Easily the best player Aberdeen had last year, surely there must be some team out there looking for a battling midfielder?

The Scottish League has been out and about, travelling the length and breadth of Scotland to cast their critical eye over the applicants for the Third division spot left by that team, you know, the one that went bankrupt. Jings, what where they called again? Och, it'll come to us. Anyway, the big Wallace Arnold coach pulled up outside Allen Park, Cove yesterday for a quick look around the pitch and go on the pinball machine in the players lounge. David Longmuir, who runs the SFL reckons the race is too tight to call, which is League-speak for "the wife could do with a new dress <wink>". Allegedly.

We came across this interview with Hamilton's James McCarthy (sorry about the advert, keep watching though!). He's seems like a sensible lad with his head screwed on, but it's slightly unsettling to keep hearing him say he'll "be here for another season and then we'll see what happens", something he says about five times throughout the interview.  We've said it before, but we'll say it again: something has to be done to make football in Scotland attractive enough for talented players to want to stay in Scotland and play their club football here. It's a discussion that's as old as the hills and one which has no easy answer. Nevertheless it's a discussion which we'd like to see kept on the agenda of every SPL, SFL and SFA meeting between now and the World Cup in 2010.

Finally, just to finish off the weekend, a quick news- trawl through the leagues:

+ St Johnstone will be without veteran keeper Alan Main for the start of next season. The 41-year-old former Dundee United players needs an operation on his shoulder.

+ Queen of the South's Ryan McCann turns down an offer to stay at Palmerston. McCann is best known for his 84-yard goal against Dundee, seen here in glorious VideoCameraupagainstheTV-OVision®

+ Dumbarton cancel their pre-season friendly against Blyth Spartans and sign former Alloa defender Ross Clark and Pollok midfielder Raymond Logan on one-year deals.

+ Livingston add Romanian side FC Unirea Urziceni to their pre-season schedule. The team, managed by former Chelsea player Dan Petrescu will visit Almondvale on July 10th. Championship side Coventry head north on July 29th.

+ Brechin City are - like Inside Left - looking for contributors to their match programme. See the club site for more details.

+ Albion Rover's annual Jock Stein Trophy match against Celtic has been announced for Thursday 17th July at Cliftonhill with a 1930 kick-off. Tickets are £5, no concessions. Jock Stein made over 200 appearances for the Wee Rovers between 1942 and 1950.

+ Highland League side Deveronvale played their first ever game in the Shetland Islands today when they played a Shetland FA select side. The Banff based side lost 2-1, Jack Meldrum scoring for the Vale.

Alrighty, that's it. We're away next-door to finish off the neighbour's vodka and for a quick look through their sideboard when they're looking the other way.

Mince & Tatties: Thursday Update

Inside Left spent a pleasant evening at work last night, doing something largely pointless with computers and other assorted equipment that goes 'ping', 'wrrr' and 'pfft', all the time wishing he'd paid more attention in Techie drawing class at school and learnt a trade, rather than wasting those valuable hours staring at Elaine Garrow's bra under her see-through blouse.  Thankfully, the guys over at Scotzine kept me entertained with their livepost coverage of the Sweden vs. Russia game. If you're not near a TV when a game is on, or the wife has commandeered the TV to watch the Eastenders omnibus, then keep an eye out on their excellent site (the "other" home of Scottish football as we like to call it at Inside Left Hall) as they'll be covering games live for the rest of the Euro '08 champs, as well as the up-coming SPL season.

Right, to business then. Hamilton Accies first season in the SPL since '89 was boosted yesterday by the news that they've sold three times the number of season tickets they sold last year.  Work on their new pitch is also going well with under soil heating having been installed and over 400 tons of sand has been spread on the pitch, whatever the hell that's supposed to achieve. 

Meanwhile, Motherwell's problems with their pitch have been resolved. The state of the grass at Fir Park led to much criticism last season and with eight games postponed due to an unplayable surface, something had to be done.  Much of this wear-and-tear was due to the ground sharing with Gretna (who where forced to play at Livingston's Almondvale for their clash against Celtic) putting an extra load on the pitch.

In other stadia related news, St Mirren will play their first match at the 8,000-seat Greenhill Road stadium against Kilmarnock on 31 January, bringing to an end 114 years of football at Love Street. The last match at the old ground will be against Motherwell on the 3rd January. The move allows the Paisley club to clear their debts (rumoured to be around £2.2m) and safe-guard their future in the town, following the sale of Love Street to supermarket giants Tesco.

St Mirren is now the third team in this year's SPL line-up to have moved to new stadiums. Falkirk moved to their new ground in 2004 after Brockville Park was sold to supermarket chain Morrison’s.  Hamilton Accies ground-shared for the best part of six years before their ground, Douglas Park, was sold to Sainsbury's.  Inverness CT breaks the trend by not selling to the local greengrocers. Their Telford Street Park ground was deemed to be too crap for league purposes and, following their merger with Caledonian FC, they set about building a new stadium on the edge of town. When they won promotion to the SPL in 2004, they where forced to ground-share with Aberdeen while the Caledonian Stadium was brought up to SPL standards.

Still in Inverness, Italian side Torino are set to be making a bid for Caley's Romanian striker striker Marius Niculae. Former club Sporting Lisbon have also been making enquiries. Niculae has stated he'll want to see his contract out at the Inverness side, where he's got another year to go. English Championship side Watford are also said to be interested in Niculae, valued at £800,000.

Inside Left reader Brian pointed out the glaring omission from the derby game article yesterday, namely the September 13th clash between Second division sides Stirling Albion and Alloa. In our defence, we did have the fixture in our notes, but with our fish-bowl memories, we forgot to write it up; we'll be adding it later this week!

In transfer news, Queen of the South have completed the signing of 19 year old defender Gerry McLaughlan from Stranraer. Dundee United are favourites to sign Paul Dixon from Dundee (in a repeat of the whole nasty Scott Robertson affair).  Dundee are considering former Rangers and Dundee United midfielder Charlie Miller who was recently released by Belgian side Lierse. Celtic meanwhile are set to steal Derry City's winger Pat McCourt from under the noses of West Bromwich Albion, after the 24-year-old held talks with the Glasgow side.  Celtic have also been priced out of the market for striker Roman Pavlychenko by Spartak Moscow, who want £6million for the player (source: The Record). Kris Boyd wants to stay at Rangers, despite the arrival of three new strikers. "No-one has ever told me I'm not wanted at Rangers. Until they do, I'll fight on," he said. (source: The Sun)

Ok, that's it. Till tomorrow!

Mince & Tatties: Midweek Update

So another quiet week trundles quietly by. The excitement is building though, don't you think? The fixture lists are out, meaning there's only fifty-one days to go before we all put on our scarves, bobble hat and rosettes and head down to the stadium to watch our local teams punt the auld sheep's bladder around the park.

Cowdenbeath will start their new season in the Third division. Nothing unusual about that, it's something they're quite used to. But this season will be different because they'll be the first team the new boys to the Scottish League will be playing. All eyes will be on the Blue Brazil as Club X get life in the big leagues off to a good start. We've still got our money on Edinburgh City, mainly because they've got the best facilities (Spartans don't even have floodlights for God's sake) , even though their attendance figures leave a bit to be desired.

Keeping it in the family are Livingston. Former manager Davie Hay, who also happens to be father-in-law to one of the new Italian owners Tomasso Angelini, will be returning to the club in an advisory role. Can we say he'll be the new consiglieri? The good news continues for the club (we think...) as the dispute with Emmanuel Dorado has been resolved. Dorado was sacked after he refused a pay cut, something the league considered bad form, slapping a year-long transfer ban on the club. A payment has now been made to Dorado, the transfer ban is nearly lifted, and Livingston chairman Angelo Massone, somewhat ominously, "does not expect any further issues". Ehm, has anyone seen Dorado lately?

Paul Di Giacome and Gary Wales have both left Kilmarnock after failing to win new contracts. Both players had clauses in their contracts guaranteeing them a new deal after a certain number of appearances, clauses the Ayrshire club cleverly avoided by just not playing them. Nice!

It looks like Hearts will be keeping the advert in the job center up for a wee bit longer, after leading candidate and obscure East European Vladimir Weiss failed to contact the club by the 5pm deadline set by Hearts.  Despite a positive interview in Lithuania, it would appear that Weiss didn't get the assurances he needed - namely for Romanov to feck off and not interfere with team selections - and so he changed his mind. Weiss is now rumoured to be hanging on for another glamour job as national coach of Slovakia. With one candidate out of the way, it clears the way for Icelandic legend Gudjon Thordarson to take over at Tynecastle. In a desperate attempt (or is it a threat?) to win over the fans, he's promised that he'll bring in Terry Butcher as his assistant if he's appointed. So, that would be a manager who was sacked from pretty much every club he managed being assisted by a man whose managerial career saw him sacked from pretty much every club he managed (Coventry, Sunderland, Sydney FC and Brentford). Hmmmm ....

Speaking of Hearts, former player Joe Hamill gives us an interesting insight into the reason why players should abandon the SPL for the lower leagues in England - the catering is better. He says:

Leicester were playing to home crowds in excess of 20,000 people every week while facilities and attendances on their travels were generally better than in Scotland as well. The differences you notice most are that you are playing in front of bigger crowds almost every week and, although I don't like to say it, the set-up down there seems more professional. You are in for your breakfast in the morning, you trained and then you would get your lunch and have the use of facilities. You felt good turning up every day.

Lastly, definitive proof that the Scottish football is not competitive. Take a look at this. If anyone understands it and would care to explain it to me, please leave a comment. Till tomorrow!

 

A guide to the Scottish 2008/09 derby games

The football fixtures for next season where announced on Monday, and with the promotions and relegations from last season come a new series of games where old rivals are reunited. Inside Left has scoured the fixture list to bring you the low-down on this season's derby games across all four divisions in Scotland.

We have one new derby in the Scottish Premier League and two new derby games in the First Division,  as well as one potentially explosive weekend in September in the Second and Third divisions when, on the 13th of September, pretty much every game is a derby game! 

Scottish Premier League

Celtic v. Rangers (30th August)
The first old firm derby of the season takes place on the 30th August. The two teams met four times last season, with 2 wins and 2 draws each. Celtic are the defending champions and Rangers, still battered and bruised from the dramatic end to the 2007/08 campaign, will be looking to put the first dent in Celtic's title defence. Rangers didn't beat Celtic at Parkhead last season, their last win coming in March 2007 so expect the first game to be another explosive affair.
Throw In:  This year marks the 120th anniversary of the Old Firm game, first played in 1888 when Celtic beat a Rangers reserve team 5-2.

Motherwell v. Hamilton (11th November)
With Hamilton promoted to the SPL, we have a new derby, as North Lanarkshire take on South Lanarkshire. We have to go quite a way back for the last time these two teams met in the league; to the 1st April 1989 in fact, when Motherwell won at Fir Park by by one goal to nil. That season, in which Hamilton where also relegated,  the two teams played each other four times, with Motherwell coming out on top with 2 wins, a draw and one loss. They've met in the Scottish Cup and the League Cup since that time; Motherwell won on both occasions.
Throw In: The last time these two teams met in the Scottish League Cup on the 23rd August 2005, the winning goal (which came in the last minute) was scored by Motherwell's appropriately named Jim Hamilton.

Hibernian v. Hearts (18th November)
The 280th Edinburgh derby takes place at Easter Road. Their three meetings last season ended in a win and a loss each, and one draw. Hibernian finished 6th last season, Hearts 8th. The Tynecastle side are still looking for a new manager, while Hibs manager Mix Paatelainen will take charge in his first full season.
Throw In: There have been some pretty high scoring games between these two sides: on the 2nd January 2003, the game finished 4-4, while another eight goals where shared on the 22nd November 2000; Hibs won 6-2, helped by a hat-trick by current manager Mixu Paatelainen. The most one-sided game was in 1973 when Hibs won 7-0, while the most goals scored in one game was in 1936, when Hearts beat Hibernian 8-3.

Scottish Division 1

St Johnstone v. Dundee (27th September)
Since Dundee where relegated from the SPL at the end of the 2004/05 season, they've lost their traditional rivals, Dundee United. Geographically, their nearest rivals now are Perth based St Johnstone. Games between these two are generally not high scoring games; Dundee's 3-2 victory in March of this year has been the highest scoring since the New Years Day game in 1997, when Dundee ended up on the wrong end of a 7-2 scoreline.
Throw In: St Johnstone where officially founded in 1884, but didn't play their first game until 1885, when, on the 7th March, Caledonian Railway were defeated 1-0.

Airdrie v. Clyde (20th September)
If you're ever in North Lanarkshire, drive 6 miles up the B802 from Cumbernauld, home of Clyde FC, and you'll find yourself in Airdrie, the home of Airdrie United. Technically, the history between these two starts on the 23rd September 2003 when Airdrieonians (who had played in the town since 1887) went bankrupt and were replaced by Clydebank (who had also gone bankrupt) and renamed Airdrie United. Confused? The last time these two played each other was in the First and Second division play-offs. Clyde finished second bottom in the First division, Airdrie second top in the Second. Clyde won the play-offs 3-0 on aggregate thus saving them from relegation. Airdrie United where doomed to stay another season in the Second division until Gretna - somewhat ironically in this story - went bankrupt, and which automatically promoted Airdrie United to the Second.
Throw In: Historically, Clyde's fiercest rivals are Partick Thistle, dating from the time when the club was forced to ground-share Firhill after Clyde where evicted from their previous home, Shawfield Stadium, in 1986. They moved to their current home in Cumbernauld when the Broadwood Stadium was completed in 1994.

Scottish Division 2

Raith v. East Fife (13th September)
Kircaldy vs. Methill, the Fife derby. It's been a while since Sam Leitch's famous, if incorrect, assertion that there'll be dancing on the streets of Raith; the Kircaldy side last played top flight football in 1996 and have not had much to cheer about of late. Methill meanwhile, eight miles up the coast from Kircaldy, is home to East Fife FC, promoted last year from the Third division on the back of a strong season that saw them crowned champions in March 2008. These two sides have not played each other in the league since they were both in the First division in 1988. It's a match-up East Fife will want to forget; they played five times that season, losing all but two of the games, including a 7-1 drubbing in Kircaldy.
Throw In: Raith Rovers where once managed by Claude Anelka, brother of Chelsea bench-warmer Nicolas Anelka. He offered £300,000 to any team that would let him manage them; Raith duly obliged and Claude set them on course for a disastrous season that saw him quit halfway through and ended with Raith's relegation to the Second division. Prime Minister Gordon Brown is said to be a fan of the club. East Fife are the youngest of the four Fife based teams (Dunfermline, Cowdenbeath and Raith Rovers) having been founded in 1903.

Brechin v. Arbroath (13th September)
One half of the Angus quartet of teams play each other on the 13th. Arbroath won promotion to the Second division after they beat (and subsequently relegated) Cowdenbeath. Brechin are establishing themselves in the Second division since their promotion in 2001. They made the news in January when, after fielding two ineligible players in the Scottish Cup win against Hamilton, Brechin where thrown out of the competition. Although Arbroath's traditional rivals Montrose are still in the Third, their games against Brechin have also had their moments: the last time these two where in the same division in season 2004/05, Brechin beat them on all but one occasion, when a 2-2 draw shared the points. Brechin scored four goals in each of their wins over the Lichties! Mind you, Arbroath got their own back when, in their last encounter in August 2006, they knocked Brechin out of the Challenge Cup.
Throw In: Arbroath play their home matches at Gayfield Park, which holds the record for being the closest stadium to the sea in European football (around five metres from the high tide line).

Scottish Division 3

East Stirlingshire v. Stenhousemuir (13th September)
On either side of the Forth and Clyde Canal, there are two teams that have never played each other outside of the Second or Third division. East Stirlingshire, based in Falkirk, and Stenhousemuir, 7 miles up the M9 have both been playing in the Third division since 1998. In that time, Stenhousemuir have gotten two huge victories over East Stirlingshire, namely a 6-0 drubbing in 2004 and a 7-0 demolition in 2006. It's worth noting though that this was at the time when 'the Shire' where arguably one of the worst teams in Britain, a season in which they finished on eight points,  lost the right to vote at league meetings and became the subject of a succesful book 'Pointless - A Season With Britains Worst Football Team'. The publicity East Stirlingshire got did bring some good fortune however; following a documentary about the club on Norwegian television, an East Stirlingshire supporters club was founded in Norway, currently numbering some 6,000 members.
Throw In:  They synthetic surface at Stenhousemuir's Ochilview Park will be the first in the UK to pass the FIFA 2 Star category accreditation.

Forfar v. Montrose (13th September)
The other half of the Angus quartet, Forfar and Montrose lie 22 miles apart and, like East Stirlingshire and Stenhousemuir, are pretty familiar with each other having played in the same division since 1994. Forfar hold the advantage with 50 victories in the 115 games played between the sides, Montrose winning 42. The games are generally not high-scoring, though there have been some notable exceptions such as an 8-2 win for Montrose in 1963 and a 7-0 win for Forfar way back in 1932.
Throw In: Forfar finished bottom of the Third Divison last year, taking over from East Stirlingshire who had finished bottom every season since 2002/03.  Montrose missed out on promotion this season when they lost 4-1 on aggregate to Stranraer.

We never realised there was so much science involved in putting together the fixture lists nor, for that matter, how much involvement each club can have in the process. Take a look at the SPL site to see how it's done.

Mince & Tatties: How Scotland *are* at Euro '08

So there I was sitting on the couch with Mrs Inside Left, watching the first half of the Czech Republic vs. Turkey game, a game that was remarkably similar to watching a Scottish Third division game: hoof the ball up from defense to the big centre forward to nod down for the striker making a run up the middle.

To really get into that big match atmosphere I opened up the patio doors to let the cold breeze through the living room while Mrs Inside Left went and stuck two pies in the microwave and scoop some toilet water into two Styrofoam cups (complete with ill-fitting lid). The tartan rug was out on loan, but jings, it was like being in the stands at Firs Park.

Anyway, the first half drew to a close, the Czechs were leading 1-0 and thinking that there'd be no more goals, we switched over to watch the Inspector Linley mysteries. About an hour later, after we worked out who did it, I flicked over to see how the game was going, just in time to see the Czech keeper, Cech, attempting to catch the ball only to drop it neatly at the feet of the Turkish striker who drilled the ball home from close range. Minutes later, Turkey got the winner in the dying minutes when Nihat fired in a cracker from outside the box.

So I remarked to Mrs Inside Left that even though Scotland didn't qualify, Scottish football at least was represented at Euro 2008, if not by the team, but certainly in spirit. To wit:

1 – "Route one" football is alive and well in the Czech Republic
2 – Poor goalkeeping is no longer just a Scottish phenomenon
3 – The inability to hold on to a lead happens to all of us at some time

And speaking of Scots at the Euro's only last week Inverness CT where sitting smug in their portacabin with the news that they'll be earning money on account of Romanian striker Marius Niculae possibly getting through to the next round, when suddenly the sound of vultures circling high above Inverness broke the silence. It turns that his former club Sporting Lisbon are showing an interest again in the £4,000-a-week player. He's keen to see out his contract he says, but it'll be difficult for Caley to hold on to the 27-year old. All of which goes to show once again that European football is bad for you, because all that happens is your best players are picked off by the bigger clubs. Best to keep them safe and dry at home, in a bunker deep under the house until all the fuss has died down.

And since we're on the European theme, another Scottish side will be getting a chance to shine in the preliminary rounds of the UEFA Cup next season. The Intertoto Cup is being replaced with an additional qualifying round for the UEFA Cup and participation will be mandatory. Basically, the team in fourth place will be entered into the fourth qualifying round; the third placed team goes into the third qualifying round while the teams finishing second and third will continue into the Champions League. The Intertoto Cup won't be missed really; it surely is the Mickey Mouse Cup by another name. I can't recall a Scottish team ever wining it (as far as 'winning' is defined in the Intertoto Cup, namely the 'winner' being the team that progresses the furthest in the UEFA Cup), unless someone can correct me.

Some tranfer news then. Aberdeen have taken Irish international Joe Lapira on trail. The 21-year-old striker plays his club football in Toronto but had previouly played for the Baton Rouge Capitals. The Baton Rouge Capitals. What the fuck kind of name for a team is that? God help us if the Americanisation of the game ever came to Scotland, because the league would probably look something like this:

1  Glasgow City Royals
2  The Glasgow Bhoys
3  Motherwell Steelmen
4  Aberdeen Northern Lights
5  The Dundee Jutes
6  The Falkirk Spires
7  Hibernian Celtics
8  Inverness Highlanders
9  Paisley United FC
10 The Hamilton A's
11 The Kilmarnock Ayrmen
12 The Edinburgh Capitals

[start rant] Frankly, I know nothing about Joe Lapira, and I don't care either. So what if he had a trail at Rangers, so did Chris Woods and Terry Butcher. He's not the kind of player we need at Aberdeen. He's no big name signing, just another amateur player with no future and no reason to shift more season tickets that we're only taking on because he's cheap and/or desperate. [end rant]

And speaking of no big name signings, much fuss around the signing by Rangers of Kenny Miller. Though not the first player to have played for both sides, and not the first player to play for Rangers, then Celtic and back to Rangers again (that honour goes to Willie Kivilichan) his transfer has stirred up a hornets nest of controversy. I'm not talking about all that sectarian nonsense, a topic about which Inside Left knows little nor cares to, but about the fact that the £2m Rangers are spunking out is pretty much their entire transfer budget for this year. Not unremarkable by Old Firm standards, but questions are being asked about where the rest of the estimated £40m Rangers must have earned from their UEFA Cup run and the sale of Alan Hutton has gone. Could Rangers be using the money to pay off loans? Are the Ibrox side in financial trouble? Who knows, but I think Rangers fans certainly have reason to ask questions of the board.  Teams like Rangers and Celtic need at least one big name signing to get the fans excited about the season ahead, and many are wondering if Kenny Miller is a 'big name' signing. Probably not. He's also not likely, if past performances are anything to go by, a striker that'll get you 20 goals a season. His record in Scottish football is not exactly stellar. He scored 12 goals in 45 appearances for Hibernian, 8 in 30 for Rangers and 7 in 33 for Celtic. Even Kris Boyd outscored Miller in every season he's been at Rangers. Time will tell, but we think he'll be in for a rough ride.

Ok, that's it for now. Things to look forward to this week include the league fixture announcements, Vladimir Weiss taking over at Heart of Midlithuania and the SFL goes into the wilds of Scotland to talk to the applicants for the vacant spot in the Third division.

Apropo the applicants, I hope the SFL swing past Raydale to remind themselves to make the right decision when choosing the new team. Listening to the radio over the weekend I heard that applicants Edinburgh City regularly draw between 50- 100 people to their games. Crowds like that will not sustain a club for long in the SFL and we really don't want a repeat of the Gretna incident. Do we?

Mince & Tatties: The Shameless Commercialism Update (or "Father's Day hints for the wains")

A short update this evening, because it's getting late and Inside Left desperately needs some sleep after another heavy week behind the screens getting you, dear reader, the only news that matters. Yes, we could just cut & paste from the BBC website, but that's hardly original is it? Thankfully all is quiet across Scotland as the teams are enjoying the last week of their summer holidays before it's back in the saddle, or the coal face, or the driving seat or whatever cliché is appropriate in this case.

While the playing staff are not clogging up the stadium with their lascivious talk and uncouth mannerisms, it gives club shops all around the country a chance to get rid of all those replica kits they couldn't shift and find new ingenious ways with which to separate needy 5 year-olds from their pocket money. To help them with this, the planets have aligned in such a way that it's Father's Day on Sunday. Here's a message to all kids reading this:

We, the fathers of Scotland have enough painted rocks, coathangers and picture frames to last us a lifetime.

So kids, if your auldyin is a fan of any of these teams: Dunfermline, Dundee, Partick Thistle, Queen of the South, Morton, Stranraer, Aberdeen, Celtic, Dundee United, Falkirk, Hearts or Hibs then put down your paint brush and get yourself down the club shop now before I come round your house and give you a clip around the ears.

When the new league fixtures are announced on Monday, it will still not be clear to the teams in the Third division where they'll be heading next season for their fixture against the team simply  called - until July 3rd when the new team is voted upon and announced - 'X'.  As expected, East of Scotland League outfits Annan Athletic, Preston Athletic, Spartans and Edinburgh City, together with Highland League champions Cove Rangers have all made formal applications to the Scottish Football League.  We're still trying to get the lowdown on the teams (hey, they're new to us too!) but while we're doing our homework, check out their websites. For the sake of Cove Rangers I hope the SFL suits don't have a criteria called 'must have a pretty website' because if they do, I'd give up all hope now. Lads, your site is rank! Club secretaries may also want to check out Google maps because one of you will be getting a lot of air miles on the club petrol card.

In other news, Dougie Bell has been confirmed as Clyde's new assistant manager. Bell has previously played for a variety of teams in Scotland including Clyde, Rangers, Hibernian and St Mirren, but it is with Aberdeen, for whom he made 139 appearances between 1979 and 1985, that Bell will be remembered most for his battling midfield performances and his spectacular thirty-yarder in the '84 Scottish Cup Final that flew off the cross bar and upright and which Strachan subsequently crossed over for McGhee to fire in the winner in the 2-1 win over Celtic.

Right, that's it. I'm away to clear my shelves of painted rocks, coathangers and picture frames in readiness for Sunday.

 

Mince & Tatties: Hamilton, Hearts and Donald Trump

The men in grey who run Hamilton Accies must be wondering what to do with young master James McCarthy. Here they've got a player who is attracting attention from all four corners of the island, from Liverpool to Reading and Chelsea, and who clearly has the potential to earn them points, prizes and a boost to the transfer kitty.

The club have today received an offer from Maurizio Zamparini, president of Italian Serie 'A' outfit Palermo. At least, that’s what Zamparini would have you believe because Hamilton have denied there's been any contact, but we all know it's part of the 'chase me' game that goes on when two clubs are discussing one of their carbon based life-forms. Palermo have not revealed how much they've offered (or not) for 17-year old McCarthy, but given that he's been valued at something close to £4m then it's not unreasonable to think that an offer of around £2m to £2,5m is not far off the mark. Assuming Palermo made an offer at all.

Mind you, did you get a look at Zamparini? He looks like the kind of Sicilian businessman whose offers would be hard to refuse,  if you know what I mean. We'd be checking the ends of the bed for decapitated Highland Cows, that's all we're saying on the matter.

So what to do? Keep him and hope he improves (assuming he survives the SPL) and then sell him on for more, or sell him now while you're still getting offers? McCarthy is young and he's got a great future ahead of him, but it is clear that future wont be at Hamilton. We’ve heard so much about him and he’s one of the players to watch for next season, assuming he stays of course. Our advice is this: enjoy him while you can because once Hamilton are relegated in May next year, he’ll be off for sure.

In other news, Hearts may finally have a(nother) manager and in a radical departure form the norm, he's a red-haired lad from the Outer Hebrides named Hamish "Jock" McJock. Only joking, this is Hearts we're talking about; he's foreign of course. Gudjon Thordarson, formerly coach of world soccer powerhouse Iceland is said to be interested in the Tynecastle job.  Gudjon, which we assume (without any research on the matter), translates as 'Good John', has managed several clubs in his time albeit mainly in Iceland, so we'll gloss over that. Closer to home, he's gaffered Stoke (he got them promoted but was then mysteriously sacked days later), arsed up Barnsley (he quit), returned to Keflavik but quit after three days to go to Notts County, where after another disastrous season, he left by mutual consent of the entire town of Nottingham.

Hmm, quite a record.

Also in discussion with Hearts is Vladimir Weiss, the Artmedia Bratislava coach. Remember Artmedia? They knocked Celtic out of the Champions League back in 2005. At Inside Left we've never heard of Vladimir Weiss and we can't be arsed looking him up either - at least not on the bosses time - so we'll leave it up to you to Google him. He's got the same first name as Romanov and he sounds Eastern European, so they'll get on like a house on fire no doubt.

Aberdeen have promised Jimmy Calderwood money for next season.  Quite how much is not clear, but according to the club they'll be "investing £1m more in the football budget than when Jimmy arrived in 2004". So thats £1,000,050. Ok, so we shouldn't grumble, it's a lot of money for a club like Aberdeen. But having the money is one thing, getting players to come and play for you is quite another; remember this is the club that a Dutch amateur player turned down because he'd be taking a drop in wages in coming to the North East. Personally, Inside Left reckons that the Aberdeen board should be persuading comb-over richie Donald Trump to stick two fingers up to those pesky Balmedie farmers and instead buy Aberdeen FC. He could then knock Pittodrie, build an 18-hole pitch 'n put on the site, stick a burger van up one end, a pub at the other and hey presto: sorted! Balmedie Country Club my arse.

And Inside Left is blushing at being taken in by the Third Lanark publicity stunt. Yes, it turns out that they were never serious about joining and the whole thing was just an attempt to get their name in the news and pull in more crowds as part of their push to move up to the Juniors. Seeing as they had about as much chance of being admitted to the league as Inside Left has of becoming the internet's top Scottish football website, we'll let the matter rest.

But if anyone fancies an evening in one of Glasgow's dodgiest parks to stand on terraces that double up as a urinal for drunk teens, druggies and jaikies and watch a game of football played on something resembling a World War I battlefield, you know where to go.

Until tomorrow, slàinte mhath!