Mince & Tatties: The Shameless Commercialism Update (or "Father's Day hints for the wains")

A short update this evening, because it's getting late and Inside Left desperately needs some sleep after another heavy week behind the screens getting you, dear reader, the only news that matters. Yes, we could just cut & paste from the BBC website, but that's hardly original is it? Thankfully all is quiet across Scotland as the teams are enjoying the last week of their summer holidays before it's back in the saddle, or the coal face, or the driving seat or whatever cliché is appropriate in this case.

While the playing staff are not clogging up the stadium with their lascivious talk and uncouth mannerisms, it gives club shops all around the country a chance to get rid of all those replica kits they couldn't shift and find new ingenious ways with which to separate needy 5 year-olds from their pocket money. To help them with this, the planets have aligned in such a way that it's Father's Day on Sunday. Here's a message to all kids reading this:

We, the fathers of Scotland have enough painted rocks, coathangers and picture frames to last us a lifetime.

So kids, if your auldyin is a fan of any of these teams: Dunfermline, Dundee, Partick Thistle, Queen of the South, Morton, Stranraer, Aberdeen, Celtic, Dundee United, Falkirk, Hearts or Hibs then put down your paint brush and get yourself down the club shop now before I come round your house and give you a clip around the ears.

When the new league fixtures are announced on Monday, it will still not be clear to the teams in the Third division where they'll be heading next season for their fixture against the team simply  called - until July 3rd when the new team is voted upon and announced - 'X'.  As expected, East of Scotland League outfits Annan Athletic, Preston Athletic, Spartans and Edinburgh City, together with Highland League champions Cove Rangers have all made formal applications to the Scottish Football League.  We're still trying to get the lowdown on the teams (hey, they're new to us too!) but while we're doing our homework, check out their websites. For the sake of Cove Rangers I hope the SFL suits don't have a criteria called 'must have a pretty website' because if they do, I'd give up all hope now. Lads, your site is rank! Club secretaries may also want to check out Google maps because one of you will be getting a lot of air miles on the club petrol card.

In other news, Dougie Bell has been confirmed as Clyde's new assistant manager. Bell has previously played for a variety of teams in Scotland including Clyde, Rangers, Hibernian and St Mirren, but it is with Aberdeen, for whom he made 139 appearances between 1979 and 1985, that Bell will be remembered most for his battling midfield performances and his spectacular thirty-yarder in the '84 Scottish Cup Final that flew off the cross bar and upright and which Strachan subsequently crossed over for McGhee to fire in the winner in the 2-1 win over Celtic.

Right, that's it. I'm away to clear my shelves of painted rocks, coathangers and picture frames in readiness for Sunday.