Edinburgh must be a pure miserable place to be this weekend if you're a Jambo or a Hibee. For the rest of us it's just one great big laugh-a-thon. First, Hibs get knocked out of the CIS Cup by Morton and then, just a day later, Hearts go out to Airdrie United. Just how funny is that? Mixu's season, already not one of the best for a manager making his first full debut in the league, is surely a lot better though than his fellow manager down Gorgie Road. For one, Mixu's not got some looper director/owner giving him grief about team selection or racking up enormous fines (£30,000 for his rant during the Heart's AGM the other week) and generally getting his club condemned for bringing the game into disrepute. At Inside Left we feel there should be a "bringing a laugh to the game" award where the SFA hand out money to clubs who give us all a good laugh, just to lighten the burden of our futile existence - personally, there's not been a story about Hearts in the last, oh, three months or so that hasn't made us pull our head out of the oven and bring a smile to our face. We feel another smile-of-the-week moment coming on as Csaba has been in the paper again (this time the Scotsman) telling one and all that "he will be the sole arbiter of who becomes the first-choice goalkeeper". Keep believing that Csaba, you'll be league champion soon - at your next club in August 2009. We can only imagine that as the Hungarian was showing the reporters the door after the press conference, in stepped an Anonymous Player.
Csaba: Sorry, who are you?
Anonymous Player: I'm your new signing, Adrian Mrowiec
Csaba: New signing? I didn't make any new signings. Signed from where?
Anonymous Player: FBK Kaunas
Csaba: Do'h!
Mind you, it's not all roses and chocolates for Mixu as he was sent to the stand during his side's exit to Greenock Morton. The pressure is piling up for Mixu as Hibs have been spectacularly awful so far, or at least inconsistent, something that wont sit well with Hibs fans expecting greater things. Perhaps also worth mentioning is that the side that knocked them out of Europe, IF Elfsborg, where themselves knocked out by St. Partrick's Athletic, a plucky amateur side from Dublin.
Ok, enough Edinburgh bashing. For now. The six other SPL sides left in the competition didn't let us down though. Hamilton, Killie, Falkirk, Dundee United and Aberdeen all had relatively easy wins over lower league opposition, while St. Mirren tripped the light fantastic with a 7:0 win over Dumbarton. Speaking of lower leagues, did anyone see the Queen of the South game against FC Thingy? What a shame for the Doonhamers right enough and Scottish footie in general.
The result was kind of a foregone conclusion (here's a tip for all budding managers: even though you're desperate to win, don't score too soon, it tends to backfire) but their defeat has left Scottish teams in something of a pickle. You see, the wise-men that rule our game, Uefa, keep a record of how teams (and hence, national Football Associations) perform in European competitions, and every now and then they get together and re-shuffle the names about on the fridge-door to see which country did the best. It's all very complicated but the end-result is that thanks to Queen of the South, Celtic need to win the Champions League and Motherwell the Uefa Cup, otherwise we can whistle for our automatic Champions League qualification spots, and the top four teams in Scotland will all be playing in the Qualifying rounds for the European Cup competitions next year. Go Doonhamers!
Ok, a wee Old Firm story for you. News leaked out this week that confirmed something we've always known. Yes, Rangers and Celtic did have plans to leave Scotland and enter themselves into the English Leagues. It turns out that Dick "I'll have an" Advocaat and Martin O'Neill, together with the boards of both clubs got together at some top secret location to discuss the possibility of joining the 'Third Tier' down in Englandshire. The third tier, what, that would be the English League Division One now, right? Some class teams in there right enough: Northampton, Tranmere, Oldham. The list is endless. Ironically, the move was vetoed by the English League for fear of loss of revenue, which is exactly the same reason that the Scottish clubs would hate to see the Old Firm leave. This must all be very frustrating for Celtic and Rangers, but at Inside Left we have a solution that suits everyone: move Celtic and Rangers down to the Scottish Second division! That way, the Old Firm get their dream move by playing in the third tier of football and the clubs down there will get loads of money. Sorted!
Lastly, some dull accountant types published a statement telling us all about the huge sums of money the Scottish clubs made in 2006. Quote "Eight of 12 Scottish Premier League clubs recorded positive earnings in season 2006/07 and for the first time in over a decade a collective profit of £3million was posted. This is an improvement on last year's combined loss of £9million, when just six clubs were shown to have made a profit." (The Scotsman). Well done lads, good going we say, give yourself a pat on the back. "Even those clubs who made a loss", continues the report, "Aberdeen, for example, posted £500,000, and Dundee United just under £1m – they are not ridiculous figures". Phew. Nearly there, one last paragraph, then we can all get back to the Franz Kafka novels, and the Joy Division and Smith's albums to cheer us up. "It is really only Hearts who buck the trend. The club's debt peaked at £36m, which is more than the Old Firm combined."
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. See you next week!
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