Off The Ball - The Monday Dose

Ah, Monday, she swings around again like a cheap hoor on a roundabout. We hope you all enjoyed the games you where at this  weekend unless your team lost, in which case we have some good news for you: it's only the first game of the season lads! Having said that, the chorus of boos that went up after the final whistle at Pittodrie on Saturday would suggest that many weel kent folk up in Aiberdeen have already had enough of season 2008/09. One punter, this auld yin sitting a row behind Inside Left and who has obviously been at a few of these opening day games, suggested that we should capture a few of the kamikaze seagulls (that most punters at Pittodrie live in fear of, evil basturds so they are), stick an Aberdeen strip on them and put them up front instead of Miller, Mackie, Maguire et al as they'd make a more dangerous attacking setup. Tosh we say to that: it's only the first game of the season, there's no need to burn the scarves/season ticket book/stadium just yet.

So in todays round-up of all thats new and improved in the world of Scottish football we look at Gretna's rebirth, another referee gets a dose of rear entry from a Scottish manager and its Freudian slips all round as the managers describe their teams performances - or are they really talking about themselves ....?

Dumfries and Galloway is fast becoming a hotbed of Scottish football, reminiscent of the Dumbarton area of old, when clubs such as Vale of Leven, Renton and Dumbarton where among the top clubs in country. We're not suggesting for one minute that Stranraer, Queen of the South and Annan Athletic are clubs of similar stature as those great names of old, but Gretna certainly followed the tradition of two of those Dunbartonshire clubs by going tits up. Following the somewhat messy (and inevitable) end to Gretna's adventures amongst the football fraternity, the townspeople of Gretna got together and created a new club from the ashes of the old. And so it came to pass that Gretna 2008 kicked off a new era in that towns football  life (although technically they play in Annan) when they played their first competitive game in the East of Scotland league. Reports have us believe that over 100 supporters traveled deep into rugger-bugger country for the game against Kelso United that Gretna 2008 won rather handsomely (5-1). Good luck to them we say, and just a word of warning: should someone named 'Brookeson' get in touch, tell him to get tae you-know-where.

Who'd be a referee these days eh? It must be tough being the most hated man on the park week in, week out, your every decision scrutinised by all and sundry in the pubs and national press up and down the land. Mind you, for £800 for 90 minutes work (or 100 minutes if you're refereeing a Rangers game, they're 2-1 down and your application for the Lodge hasn't been voted on yet) I'd happily get dressed up in a fluorescent shirt, stick on the pop-socks and run around the pitch lording it over everyone. St. Mirren manager Gus McPherson was none too pleased yesterday though at referee Eddie Smith's conduct after he awarded Celtic a penalty. McPherson insists that Smith 'winked' at him following the incident. "I don't know why he did that" says McPherson, "he would need to explain it, whether he was trying to irritate me". We'll never know of course as referees in this country are not obliged to give explanations about their decisions. Perhaps McPherson is feeling aggrieved as this isn't the first time that Eddie Smith has gotten on the wrong side of the Buddies boss: the whistler also judged Gary Mason to have fouled Shunsuke Nakamura for a debatable free-kick which the Japanese player then impressively converted to give Celtic another 1-0 win. Conspiracy? You be the judge.

And speaking of judges: we've thankfully come a long way since Mark Walters was pelted with bananas during his first few games with Rangers; or at least, we thought so, until we hard about Kevin Fotheringham. The East Fife winger was recently banned for eight games after he was found guilty by an SFA inquisition of racially abusing Stranraer's Gregory Tade. East Fife are taking the matter for judicial review as they insist that Fotheringham is innocent of the charges that will leave him out of the game for the best part of two months. This case will rumble on in the courts no doubt as Fotheringham tries to clear his name of what are pretty disgraceful charges - if true.

Lastly, football is a game full of clichés and tired old expressions. The ball is round, it's a game of two halves and so on. What struck Inside Left though is the subtle use of phrases that managers use to describe their side's performances. Trawling through the post-match interviews you'd be amazed how often the words  "slack", "limp", "inadequate", "sticking it in" and "fires up" appear in the sage-like utterings of our gaffers. Perhaps it's time for a cosy chat and a box of Kleenex because it looks to Inside Left that there are clearly more issues going on than just "frustration" at their sides "inability to score". And that's where we'll finish - unlike our managers, allegedly.

See ya Wednesday for another update.